Dear New Parents
Dearest soon to be parents,
I have good news. There is a secret to parenting that the most successful among us never, ever share, because then we would also be succesful and no one wants that, except for us of course.
Tell your children they are beautiful. Breath takingly, heart stoppingly beautiful. Tell them everyday. Sometimes twice. If they are being good.
If they are ugly, or plain, or fat, or walk funny, or speak funny, tell them loudly. With gusto. Sometimes, cry while telling them.
Tell them SO MANY TIMES that even when the entire world is calling them horse face and ass breath, their is a small voice inside their head (it's your voice) saying "darling your hair is the whisper of summer, and your face is the freshest, clearest lake, and your eyes are the stars themselves, sparkling down on the earth, on the blackest of all nights." They will hear that voice and the mean, ugly words won't hurt quite as much.
Tell your children they are brilliant. Savants. Geniuses. The most clever of all humans you have ever had the good fortune to cross paths with. There is not a chess player on this great globe that solves problems as quickly, or as succinctly as your child.
Tell them this while they are cursing their shoelaces, which they "will never learn to tie."
Tell them this while they are falling off their bicycle for the 16th time in one day.
Tell them Wednesday night, at dinner time, because nobody else has anything interesting to say.
If learning is hard for them, tell them loudly, in front of other adults, in front of strangers. Boast about how quickly they learned how to say their name as a toddler (MUCH faster than cousin Anne, who can read at a third grade level in first grade, as if anyone gives a shit about that.) Share with waiters how they always know the very best menu item to choose, because their intellect is superior, and their palate never failing.
Tell them while they curse their homework, that feels like incoherent gibberish, both to them and to you. The problem is not with you, my child. This textbook is filthy garbage, and whomever wrote it a complete babbling moron.
Never stop telling them this. No matter what. Promise me.
Finally, and most importantly - tell them they are kind. That they, more than others their age, possess a deep, innate ability to care for, and give empathy to all creatures, both human and otherwise. Remind them constantly of every sweet and loving gesture they have ever made. Hold their goodness up to the sky like a trophy, and polish it with praise, so they know that being kind, is a feat worth celebrating, and practicing regularly, so it may be celebrated often.
When they are sad, tell them how deep in their heart is a seed of such pure benevolence that sadness will never linger in their body for long: their light and their grace are much too brilliant to be dimmed by tears. Pain will visit, but the kindess within them will ask it to leave when the time is right.
Maybe your kid will be neither beautiful, nor brilliant, nor kind. Maybe they will be a stupid fucking asshole and you can't for the life of you understand how this person came from your loins. Tell them these things anyway. What have you got to lose?
I have good news. There is a secret to parenting that the most successful among us never, ever share, because then we would also be succesful and no one wants that, except for us of course.
Tell your children they are beautiful. Breath takingly, heart stoppingly beautiful. Tell them everyday. Sometimes twice. If they are being good.
If they are ugly, or plain, or fat, or walk funny, or speak funny, tell them loudly. With gusto. Sometimes, cry while telling them.
Tell them SO MANY TIMES that even when the entire world is calling them horse face and ass breath, their is a small voice inside their head (it's your voice) saying "darling your hair is the whisper of summer, and your face is the freshest, clearest lake, and your eyes are the stars themselves, sparkling down on the earth, on the blackest of all nights." They will hear that voice and the mean, ugly words won't hurt quite as much.
Tell your children they are brilliant. Savants. Geniuses. The most clever of all humans you have ever had the good fortune to cross paths with. There is not a chess player on this great globe that solves problems as quickly, or as succinctly as your child.
Tell them this while they are cursing their shoelaces, which they "will never learn to tie."
Tell them this while they are falling off their bicycle for the 16th time in one day.
Tell them Wednesday night, at dinner time, because nobody else has anything interesting to say.
If learning is hard for them, tell them loudly, in front of other adults, in front of strangers. Boast about how quickly they learned how to say their name as a toddler (MUCH faster than cousin Anne, who can read at a third grade level in first grade, as if anyone gives a shit about that.) Share with waiters how they always know the very best menu item to choose, because their intellect is superior, and their palate never failing.
Tell them while they curse their homework, that feels like incoherent gibberish, both to them and to you. The problem is not with you, my child. This textbook is filthy garbage, and whomever wrote it a complete babbling moron.
Never stop telling them this. No matter what. Promise me.
Finally, and most importantly - tell them they are kind. That they, more than others their age, possess a deep, innate ability to care for, and give empathy to all creatures, both human and otherwise. Remind them constantly of every sweet and loving gesture they have ever made. Hold their goodness up to the sky like a trophy, and polish it with praise, so they know that being kind, is a feat worth celebrating, and practicing regularly, so it may be celebrated often.
When they are sad, tell them how deep in their heart is a seed of such pure benevolence that sadness will never linger in their body for long: their light and their grace are much too brilliant to be dimmed by tears. Pain will visit, but the kindess within them will ask it to leave when the time is right.
Maybe your kid will be neither beautiful, nor brilliant, nor kind. Maybe they will be a stupid fucking asshole and you can't for the life of you understand how this person came from your loins. Tell them these things anyway. What have you got to lose?
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